9 am. I’m in the library now. It seems that I can’t get my head to concentrate anymore. Nothing seems to have much importance.
I’ve disappeared for the past few months off social networks. I’m not going to bother diving in to explain where I’ve been because let’s face it, its excuse after excuse – and I don’t deserve to make any, as much as none of you deserve to hear it.
I do promise though, that I will be back. I’m sorry and I do miss everyone terribly.
I have been away, not just from social networks but mentally, spiritually. I have been away. That is the only way I can explain myself.
But I am getting back on track.
I know none of this makes any sense but it doesn’t have to. I have learnt that trying ridiculously hard to make sense of things does not work. Let things take you to where you need to be. I have faith that I will be back to myself shortly.
I just want to write. I want to write all day, hence why I’ve opened a new document to ramble on rather than work, despite leaving home at 7am to get to the library for 9.
I want things to work out, really. I hope that you all stick by me. Thank you all for the messages and wishes, I would reply to them all if I could. I really love reading each and every one of them – on all the social networking sites I’m on.
My music and everything is still holding strong. In fact, despite being off the net, my music is being worked on day and night. I have a collection of songs that I aim to release soon, just as soon as I’m entirely happy with them, and unfortunately being such a perfectionist makes this process a lot longer than it needs to be.
I have been writing nonstop. I have had possibly my biggest share of wake up calls and honestly, I know you all laugh at the philosophical rants I tend to lose my way on , but if I had posted all of them I swear I would have not blamed you for blocking me and deleting hahah. I am happy with my ballet progress and have spent time horse riding – both, achieving things I did not know I was capable of doing, though I wanted to.
I have lost the friends I could not understand. I have gained the family and friends I need. I looked to God and he has helped me. Though things don’t make much sense to me and loneliness takes its toll on me I am still happy and I am starting to see clearly. Though things are tough, I have had by far the best experiences across this new year and I aim to keep this going.
But I will get there,
I hope to see you all there with me
Best of wishes
- Poppy x